New year's eve

:'(

Problems with space

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. .. Why on earth is so difficult to respect other people space... I understand that my mom is often alone and that she wants to share and be together. .. But the more she bursts into the little space I have the more I want to pull away...
Crap... I'm so moody...

Christmas

It's Christmas... I've had a wonderful Christmas eve (we celebrate Christmas eve in Brazil) with friends and family - not necessarily in this order or together- lots of fun and joy... tons of food... it's really good... I've learned that the guy I hooked up the other day woke up with quite a few bite marks... Huahuahuahua... I was so wasted... and he said "OK"... crap... I do have to be more careful. ... lol

Why... I mean it... seriously... Why?

Seriously I can't understand... Why would someone (nowadays, and knowing how I'm) say phrases extremely chauvinist and think that it's ok? I mean it... It was a great date... it's the first time someone cooked for me and he thought about lots of details like a good wine and chocolate for desert, he even bought a watermelon (I really love watermelons)... But then... When we got to the extra fun part... It wasn't that fun... He's really strong ideas about what he likes... This wouldn't be so bad if the one and only position he likes wasn't the missionary one... With no much of foreplay, if any... seriously... First time I still had my panties on... go figure...
It's really sad...

Been hit on is still strange

Ok just changed my mind. .. strange is having such a good date followed by such bad sex... I mean it...

Ok... it's been almost 6 months

I know... I'm dificulte. .. I know.... I find it so difficult to write any kind of journal.... I'll try to post more often... In these last months lots of things have changed or not... lots of things haven't changed at all...
Bri has died about a month ago and now we've a new tiny monster at home... She's lovely even though she doesn't have a name yet.

I'm still screwed up about money, even if I've been working as a mental.

I've been away from magic, but lots of things have been pointing me back to practice. I've to work on this...

Night night

What series bring to us

I was watching an episode of Hart or Dixie and something struck me... what ifi don't know how to go on a date anymore? Have I ever known? Suddenly I'm afraid that I'll never manage it. And then I think that I really don't know how'd that be...
And then I think about the stealing my therapist talks about... but how can I get this back? No idea whatsoever....

:S

And I'm,again,the only d single in the group.... :(

Wondering

So I guess my problem is... Who the hell am I fooling? I've no idea what my problems are... I feel so lost....
Actually I want so many things I wouldn't know where to begin...

Let the games begin

You see... I'm kind of tired of things not working.... I can't get a good job, can't get money enough, won't fall in love, I'm tired of getting "no" all the time... it's time to go and get some yes for a change... even if I've to get witchy about it...

Annoyed

Seriously!
I think I'm just too old to be patient with every know-it-all that show up...

Questions and more questions

On Sunday, in the middle of a huge bad temper moment a friend said that my problem is that I need to get laid... and thinking about it... I guess he is right... seriously... it has been a while.... hormones can be a bitch...

Annoying

I don't know why I keep trying, why do I insist on trying, on believing... and then my legs are, yet again, knocked from underneath me, and yet again it hurts, and yet again I know that I it will hurt even more... why don't I give up the fuc**ng thing all together... seriously why do I still try?

Some days it just hurts more then I can handle..

And there is it

I guess we always have those moments where you just want the world to disappear into a black hole... that's me today... feel like blowing everything up and just disappearing into oblivion...
:S

lol Who'd say????

LOL

Who'd say?? I've stopped posting, not because I forgot, but because I've given the address to someone and now I'm kind of embarrassed to post. Stupidity, isn't it?
Anyhow, I have tasted something that I haven't had in more years that I care to count now... I slept holding hands. That's so bloody good!!! I don't know what I'll get out of it... I don't know...
I've found out that I've to pay to the celebration dinner at college until the seventh, and I guess I wont have many problems, but I wish I'd someone to go with me... I don't think I'll enjoy that much being there alone. I think I'm tired of being single... but there isn't anything I can do about it...

xx

It's raining

It's finally raining,  and hopes are life it's gonna be better.  Sunny days are nice but also are rainy days. Quoting a music I know:

Celebrate the rain falling down,
Celebrate the green trees growing from the ground,
Paradise we found,
Celebrate the rain falling down.

Deep in my soul

Deep in my soul I feel sad and alone... I feel like crying my eyes out... I'm all alone... surrounded by happy people... and thinking about what Gu told me: "I can't understand why you're alone"...

It just hurts... 

Crap....

And I guess it's time to change

Ok... I've said this before... but why I never do it? Now I think the thing I've to change now is my acceptance of myself... of my fears, believes, hopes... I've to change bit by bit... ;)

When you actually figure it out

After tons and tons of days without knowing what is my problem I finally figure out that's  because seriously when I have to change good thanks back to the doctor this week thank God

Memories of a broken love story (part 1)

                Once upon the time,  in a forgotten place and time,  a man and a woman met amongst other friends, and began became just this, friends.
               And then they started to look each other with eyes that didn't show only friendship, but - there's always a but,  isn't it? - there's a problem, he,  as the story goes, had someone else in his life.
                As it normally happens in those stories, his relationship was terrible, and he longed for another person in his life.
                 She didn't really believe that, after all as far as bad  romances go,  it was by the book. He was doing his part, hitting on her, being charming and all... And then she started to get into real problem,  he made public the problems in his relationship.
                  And things between them got heated.
                  After a long talk, where they promised secrecy and friendship,  they moved to the next level of their "relationship"

                  Seriously,  how much good can this make?

XXX

Need to remember to post more often

Lazy day...

Names, names

I haven't written in a while... I've been kind of lost.... at least I feel this way...
I'm in a moment where I feel like I need cuddling, but I can't ask for it... probably because I'd just feel stupid... :S
Oh dear....

Xoxo

Wow

It's so amazing.... seriously... there are so many details... impressive...

:D

Doctors.... humpf...

Why do doctors think they are so bloody special.... seriously, if you get late for a doctor appointment, you probably won't get to talk with the doctor.... but it's ok for you to wait for hours.... seriously...I'm here, waiting, for over one hour... my appointment was at 9, and God knows when he will call me. If I do something like that as a psychologist, I'd loose my clients...

New old things

Feeling a bit excited about the possibility of starting to work with psychology again.... :)

Cuddling

After a very,very long time I've finally spent the night with someone... literally sleeping... ok I didn't have that much sleep... I felt really strange sharing a bed with someone... I was really worried all the time.... will I wake him up? But being with someone was so nice...
It's official... I want this way more often than I have had lately.... like all the time... :)

Ow crap. .. I'm so in trouble....

Xx

Names, names.. why do I have to put names?

Got to the conclusion that this emptiness inside me is sometimes so big and so strong that it can swallow me up in a heartbeat... and the only reason it doesn't do it it's to have me feeling it all the time...

Yeap... guess I may need an upgrade on my meds.... or just cry it out...

Bike

I went out for a ride after years... it was actually fun, even thou now I need a painkiller.... lol

Babbling about anything to keep me from thinking about myself... well done mate!!!

I've been feeling deeply lonely... when I see someone treating someone else nice, I feel like I could/should have that too... but I can see that I don't allow people to get close enough to do that... and I still miss it... and it's so common to feel as if I actually didn't deserve it...
I put on my brave face and pretend everything's ok...

at this point I realise why I'm an workaholic/compulsive reader/ compulsive whatever.... it's actually easier to spend one's  brain in something else rather than thinking about one's emotional turmoil...

What the f**k is wrong with me? PMS?

Things that are put in that box up there

Ok I still in that tine (I hope) crush for yesterday's guy...

And I's watching tv and "ghosts of girlfriends past" was on.... why the hack I watched that again... in the end of the film the guy explained that everything he had done was out of fear, that he had been to afraid of getting really involved and being abandoned....

Crap.... that hit way too close home...

Night

Yesterday

I had such a cute experience yesterday... I went out with some friends and end up hanging out with one of them... omg, he's so lovable... lol I guess I've to be on alert for this one... I could fall for him... big time...

Hot hot hot

It's bloody hot... 10 at night and it's still 30 degrees... fuck...

Made a cute bib to my friend's soon to be born niece... :)

I hadn't cross-stitched in years... not a bad job...

:)

:D

Lovely weekend.... lots of beer, friends and laughs....
And now ending it with a really sweetened coffee, as only a grandmother can do it...

:D

Kind of miss my granny...

Just can't understand...

Why some people just like to screw people over...
Seriously... grow up and stop being a child...
I'm so damn annoyed I can't really express myself...

Now I know why smartphones are so interesting...

Ok 10 days out... my smartphone died and I realised that the only way I can actually keep this running is if I can wright whenever I feel like it and not when I finally get to a computer...
:)

So... I'm back!!!!! :D

Ok... Back to being mean...

I'm at the airport, waiting for my flight and I see this woman... She might be on her early 50s, about 40 pounds overweighted (ok, who am I to talk about weight, right?), her hair is dyed blond (maybe she has been to lots of swimming pools, because it's in a shade of green), and she is wearing a really tight pair of leader-like trousers and a really fit golden sequin covered top, and a pair of black stiletto heels...

Did I mentioned that I'm in the airport? Did I mentioned that is still morning?

Weekend

Off to my weekend in Rio.
Hoping for loads of fun, plenty of sunshine and sunbathing, laughs, joy, drinks and a good game...

:)

Being mean

Ok... I know I'm being mean, but... How can some people just look like hookers? I saw a woman in the bus today... Jesus, Mary and Joseph... Seriously, she was nicely dressed, a good outfit to a work day in a store or so... But... She SO looked like a whore...

Thank the Gods for therapy

Lol
There isn't much else to say...
Feel less of a freak now...
It's fantastic to have help...

Ok dok

So in the most unlikely place and time I got one of my wishes fulfilled... It's so bloody strange... Because I had given up the idea of a threesome with 2 guys, because the people I know are actually quite nice... and square...
Then... I found out that some of them are not...
Then...  in a party yesterday someone proposed we played 'I've never...' Which was really fun... And led to some fun ideas... Now I'm kind of lost in thoughts... I think I liked enough to want it again... Even thou one of the guys was more watching than participating... Have to think... Thanks the Gods for therapy tomorrow...

I do have to stop this

Darn it... I've lost everything I'd typed...

I need to start to think properly again

Ops... Not really

Nope, my period still on (I thought it had finally finished yesterday)

Darn it

Lol

Bad mood day

I don't feel ok today... I'm anxious... Annoyed... Not sure how to put it... Feel like something is wrong, even thought my period has finally stopped... 9 days was long enough...

That's funny...

All my life I've been in and out of short term relationships.
I've had a couple of long term ones, but most part of them, were short term. And every time I realised that I was getting involved, I'd disappear.
I can see how this affected my general views of sex and romance. And I never had big problems, until now...

'hard to get' is messing up with my head... I'm under the impression that I'm falling... And I want to run... Big time, but at the same time, I don't...
In so screwed.... And afraid...

Crap I hate being afraid... Usually it puts me on flight out flight mode...

Time to start over, right?

Ok, it's the 7th (or 8th) of January already, so it's time to let go of the holidays, right?
I guess so... But I SO don't feel like it... Lol

Guess that's normal...

'Hard to get' and I went out yesterday, we went to have a coffee... And, go figure, he made the first move yesterday.

I'm under the impression that he wants to get to know me (and the other way around) first..., if it's this, it's actually nice...

I've to go.... Life just doesn't wait for no one...

See you

Family meeting

There was a family meeting this week... A typical Brazilian lunch to my non Brazilian relatives. Oh dear... That was... Ok, it wasn't so bad as I was expecting... But I'm glad that it happens once a year...

I met some cousins that are good fun, and that kind of saved the day...

And seriously, my grandmother's boyfriend/husband/whatever is so bloody annoying!!! 

It's new year!!!

Well...now is 2014... I guess it's time to start to take care of life...

I need to move...