Finally a movement... I'm not dead, or dying, maybe it was only a long hibernation period. I need to find strenght to move on, sure, pills help, but... shouldn't be only this... Anyway, I'm going back to swimming, and I intend to study for a contest, or to start a master degree, or, whatever, I need to do more then work and sleep. I need to become a human being again, a person with a life, and interests, and dreams, and... well this kind of stuff... let's see how I'm going to do that...

I haven't logged in in a long time... dwelling upon the boredom and frozen moment I've been living in... not that I've changed anything... everything still pretty much the same... but today I started to wander over the idea of "the brightest bulb in the box"... Not sure where I'd be in that box... probably not the brightest one... hopefully not the palest one either... so where do I stand?

It's funny how some times things are ok, but if someone say something silly, you just feel bad about it... and then things are not ok anymore... kind of sad that after working so hard and so long to find some kind of balance I can be thrown out of track this easy... bloody hell... I believed that I was better...

well, well.... back to square one...

Bother...

I get that my mum feels lonely, actually I understand that... but does she have to wake me up in a sunday? I mean... is not about waking me up... she comes and talk with me for about 15 minutes... then she says "I'm sorry, I'll let you sleep"...

bother... and then I'm awake, and in a bad mood... crap...